Written by: Noah Sanders

 

Sugar-dissolved nerd teeth are certainly going to gnash over this news.  Variety is reporting that the inevitable Escape From New York remake has finally nailed down a director:

 

LEN WISEMAN.  And he's bringing Gerard Butler along to play Snake Plisskin.

 

Yup, the man who bangs Kate Beckinsale will be bringing the John Carpenter classic in to the modern day.  I'm sure many of you are struggling right now to breath, maybe clutching at the folds of fat that cover your heart, perhaps even chokin' on your trusty inhaler, but, you know what?  I think this isn't that bad of a choice.  Die Hard 4.0 was maligned not because it was a bad movie (I actually thought it was a pretty rad movie, and I'll argue with anyone who thinks I'm soft for saying so), but because we movie geeks can't get over our collective nostalgia.  If John Mclane in 2007 isn't exactly like John Mclane in 1998, we won't have it.  We'll automatically, straight out the box throw it to the curb, a place where Die Hard 4.0 didn't deserve to be.  

Wiseman may have substituted plot and character development  for huge action pieces and a car chases, but who cares?  It's fucking Die Hard people, we know who John Mclane is, we, deep down in our hearts, really just want to see him shot guns and blow things up.  Which is exactly what Wiseman gave us.  Hopefully, lord please, Wiseman will use a little more  subtlety in bringing the politically tinged world of Escape from New York to the screen, but even if he doesn't, at leas the pics will be pretty.

 

And, finally, Gerard Butler is all we need for Snake, someone oozing with sneer and charisma who can kick the shit out of anyone who crosses his path.  Thus, I'm in, from the ground floor. 

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