News > Happy (Belated) Birthday Jean-Claude

Written by John Lichman

Ugh, I am such a horrible friend. And by "friend," I mean "casual fan of the Muscles from Brussels who still thinks Bloodsport is in fact a sequel designed to answer questions about a number of '80s and '70s films."

Anyway. Happy Belated Birthday wishes to our main man, J-C.V.D. Slate sums up the idea perfectly:

Jean-Claude and I have never met, but I know him better than I know my own wife. Occasionally, my wife will do something that surprises me. Over the course of 33 movies, Jean-Claude Van Damme has never surprised me. Apart from some random drunk disco dancing in Kickboxer, our relationship has been entirely predictable. 

To celebrate the occasion of his 47^th birthday, I sat down with five of his movies I'd never seen, looking forward to a long evening of maximum Van Dammage. It turns out that I'd seen them all. Three of them I'd seen twice. And that's the magic of Jean-Claude Van Damme. Whether he's playing a character named Chance Boudreux, Jack Robideaux, Edward Garrotte, William Guile, Phillip Sauvage, or Gibson Rickenbacker, he's always the same. Some action heroes need a gimmick to stand out. They need quips, a catchphrase, a bullwhip, or a .44 Magnum, but not Jean-Claude. He doesn't stand out at all. He's like the wallpaper.

It is so, so true.